How To Find Yourself


Darling Thinette

Thinette with sunglasses


Invest in your future and know How To Find Yourself, my dear. Knowing who you really are, is the key to your success and happiness.

A personality type defines who you are and your character defines your habits and routines, and in between there is your reputation. It all has an affect on your relationship with others.

Do you want to know how to discover your true identity my dear, then keep on reading.

Your Identity

How To Find Yourself

Identity is what you are known for. It develops over a period of time. Circumstances, situations and the people around you have a great influence on you. Best is to find your core values first and build around that.

The moment you know what you want you start creating a presence which becomes your identity. Some people are lucky and know in their teens already what they want from life. Others not so lucky are searching their whole life,

Now it the perfect time to find your identity. Establish what you want, develop a strong presence with your values in place to guide you.

When you have chosen your mission and know where you are going with it, make a commitment and stay true to yourself.

How To Find Yourself, Quote of reputation by Moody ABOUT YOUR REPUTATIONAsk yourself Why?

Asking Why and let the answer explain, is a way to get to the truth. It is our built in moral compass. You should ask Why up to three times minimum, I have even went so far as asking nine times to get to the real truth, on the same question.

There is no such thing as a yes or no answers my dear, every question deserves a full explanation.  This method will help you get through the layers of excuses you have created for so many years.

How To Find Yourself

Answer these questions, and then ask ‘Why’ to every answer my darling.How To Find Yourself, Finding who you are. Live-saving-tube-to-save-the-new-you-symbolically-from-the-old-life-

  • What are your values? Why?

  • And what is important to you? Why?

  • Do you love and respect who you are? Why?

  • What is my mission in life? Why?

  • Can my mission become my career? How and Why?

  • Be able to express your own opinions and feelings? Why?


What do I mean by core values, my dear? Your values define your identity. It is the characteristics that motivates your behaviour and guide all the decisions you make,

Some values are more important than others. Following is a list of many characteristics, you can select those important to you.

Core values

Honest and trust

Patience, kindness and love

Courage and reliability

Knowledge, creativity and personal growth

Loyalty and commitment

Consistency and efficiency

Patience and perseverance

Choose from the list, the characteristics you want to develop.  Again I repeat, make a commitment and stay true, because that will form the basis of your identity, my love. If you chop and change, or jump from one to the other,  you will never know who you are.



One thing to remember, you become like the five friends closest to you. You pick up their habits and mindset. Take a close look around you be critical and ask yourself, is that who you want to be? Thus, be careful who you spend your time with.

It is very important to associate with successful people, especially people you respect. You will adapt their habits and mindset, it will become your mission too.

Your identity and what your habits are will inevitably have a great influence on your mission and goals in your life. The foundation is already laid at home, school and college.

Now is the time to add the finishing touches, likewise, you can reinvent what your identity will to be, along, with your own twist on it.

The practical world have certain rules and regulations to keep everything in good order. In other words, it will have influences and impacts on the development of the new advanced You, but do not let society dictate who you want to be.


What is my identity

How To Find Yourself

Five Ways to find out.

• Define your personality type.

• Changing habits to new better ones. One way is to set a routine for your day, that is the beginning of the new you. Getting up early at the break of day is number one.

• Where does weakness come from? Is it fear or inadequacy?

• How to conquer it all.

• Valuable Characteristics.

How To Find Yourself, Silhouette-of-man-with-affirmations-of-who-I-am

No, it is not your name, address, phone or family ties, these are, as a matter of fact, your official information for statistics.

We are going to delve deeper than skin deep to find the real Thinette and, in the process, what makes her happy.

Get to your emotional world and, most certainly, what is it You want, no matter. There is only one chance we all have, furthermore only one life. Give it the best you can and create your happiness.

Remember, You are the most important person in your life. Protect your persona. Establish a strong relationship with yourself.

In every situation, find your position first, and find a solution from that advantage point.

Stay in communication with yourself, have a dialogue on a regular basis. Find new ways how to find yourself and to become who you want to be.

Know Who You Are in Every Situation

  • Start with “I am Thinette, and then the position you hold. You are the most important person in all positions.

  • I am Thinette and are currently a PA at a company, I applied for a position elsewhere and it can change any day.

  • At the moment I am Thinette, teaching kids, at this school but I have selected to apply to another school elsewhere.

  • I am Thinette and are at the moment managing L&M Industries, but it can change, because I am planning to go and work on river cruises in Europe next summer.

  • Thinette is having a relationship with Jack, while we are still in love.

Do you get it, my dear? You stay the person you are, it is the base of your existence.

It is just the position that changes, therefore you have to establish a very strong personality and know who Thinette is.

Develop a strong Self and Identity that will never change. You will be able go on after any onslaught from outside, and will always have direction.

A mentally strong woman knows where she is going. She will therefore never lose her identity because she is on a mission. The core never changes only the trimmings.

Filling a position at work or at home definitely does not define or change who you are. It is just what you do at that moment.

You are never the title nor position. Every position in life is temporary and nothing is certain, only You are forever.


How To Find Yourself

Find Your Personality Type

How To Find Yourself, Thinette being positive outgoing and bubbly showing the victory sign

Lets determined what personality type you are:

• Are you a positive, outgoing, bubbly, person seeing the glass as half full, for that reason, always happy and see the bright side of life. Fun to be with?

• In contrast, never satisfied, always negative, moaning, grumpy, nagging and worst of all demanding?

• Afraid, shy, anti-social, therefore, lonely with very little confidence?

• Are you a person with integrity, sincere, loyal, dependable, honest and most of all trustworthy?

• Not always telling the truth, cheating, in addition, depending on others to make you happy and do things for you, being a miss Know-it-All, always knowing better?

• Sporty, artistic or musical, in other words, do you have a hobby?

 How To Find Yourself, Girl sitting outside playing her guitar, music is her hobby

• Are you a good listener, and at the same time, can you hold a good conversation, knowing what goes on in the world and therefore be interesting?

• Self-centred, boring, shallow-minded, and as a result, housing a small mind and a small world?

• Do you have good friends, most importantly, what are they like and what do they say about you?

How To Find Yourself, Thinette at a Party with friends

Mark all the ones you recognise yourself in, and at the same time, mark the ones you want to change.

Decide who you want the new Thinette to be, in short start changing old bad habits and have better self-worth.

Changing Bad Habits

Know what your new Habits will be in order to create your success.

Very important plan your next day the night before.

Set a routine for your day.

  • Get up early in the morning and make your bed, at the same time, your first task is done.

  • Drink two glasses of water, to get your metabolism started.

  • Exercise for 15 – 20 min, to get your blood circulation going.

  • Relax and rest your muscles while reading an inspirational book for 10 min.

  • Get your tasks done from the easiest to the hardest. With the easier ones off your list, it motivates you to tackle the harder ones.

  • Or you might want to do it the other way round, tackle the hard ones first while you are fresh and then the easier ones. It is your choice, do what will work best for you.

  • Stay organised. Making lists and keeping your place tidy.

  • Each task should serve a purpose.

  • Get up from your desk and take frequent breaks, but come back after 5 min and continue.

  • Finish what you have planned for the day, in short, push through until all is done.

  • Before you go to bed plan your next day.

It is said that you can subsequently change habits in twenty-one days with repetitive action and it will become a lifestyle.

Find the habit that will be the easiest to change, replace it with your new behaviour.

Practice the new behaviour every time and certainly, never thinking to go back to the old bad habit.

Repeat until you feel comfortable it has become part of your new lifestyle, after that, move to the next.

These new chosen characteristics must become your new lifestyle, to a happy and confident Thinette.

Weaknesses and Challenges

How To Find Yourself

  • To be honest with yourself is one thing, but never easy to admit.

  •  A clever way to use weaknesses, is to make them motivators for the change you want.

  •  At the core of most weaknesses is laziness.

  •  There might be a few culprits hiding in the dark corners, my dear. How about miss Procrastination, miss Lazy, miss Party Animal, miss TV Monster, or Internet games champion wasting precious time.

  • To really become successful you, have to recognise and face all the gremlins hampering you in your success. Get rid of them one by one. Find your own way to do it, therefore, the best way is to do it immediately.

  • Teach yourself to overproduce on all your tasks, my love, give it 110%.

  • Have strict discipline rules with yourself, and in 18 months you will be the new you.

How To Conquer It All

Confidence and Self-esteem

  •  There might be a more serious issue. It most probably is something an adult or a friend said years ago, and you are still dragging it with you.

  • See it for what it is, as a matter of fact, the other person might have been insecure and just said it to hurt or draw you down. Sometimes it can be a failure, you subsequently can’t accept. l

  • Now is the time to get rid of them all, first of all, you won’t need the memory that haunts you. Sit back and finally, see it in perspective.

  • Analyses more so see it for what it was. Say to yourself, it is part of the past, therefore put it in a box and throw it in the dustbin.

  • You are a much stronger person now and has grown past the obstacle. Get rid of it, step on it and crush it, most importantly it doesn’t matter anymore.

  • Make the decision to turn that into a motivating factor, in other words, move on to become the new you.

  • Do not ever respond to challenges or situations immediately if you are not sure. Rather, say I will come back to you and observe to evaluate.

  • See each challenge as an opportunity to grow. Each situation can be a gift, do not let it slip by.

  • Forget about any weaknesses, erase it from your memory and turn it into a positive. Let it motivate and inspire you, making you a stronger person.

  • Start by loving yourself, even more so, all of yourself. Be your best self!

Key To Happiness

Your emotions and feelings are determined by your subconscious mind which in return is the keeper of your happiness.

Remember your behaviour and your thoughts feed your unconscious mind and that mirrors your mood and your feelings.

By having an open-heart, being honest, sincere, truthful and caring you feed your unconscious mind and spirit what it needs.

Most of all you are projecting the emotional healthiness which makes you a happy person.

Valuable CharacteristicsLetters BE with integrity affirmations in it

  • Never become mediocre and disappear in the flock who are walking the streets.

  • Stay strong and be your authentic self.

  • Make your own choices and own them.

  • The most valuable sought after characteristics you want to have are honesty, trustworthiness, being dependable, positive and a good listener.

  • Follow these principles and you will be a confident person with integrity which everybody can depend on.

  • As a matter of fact, no money in the world can buy that my dear.

You may ask what makes a strong character?

Be self-driven and motivated.

To have amazing self-discipline and a great work ethic.

A person with a great personality and character is one who knows who they are and where they are going, therefore, makes wise choices and decisions.

Have firm beliefs and values. When you know yourself and have a mission, you can’t easily be influenced by others. On the other hand you can have a positive influence on others around you, and as a result become a good leader.


Take time to develop the person you want to be. Find your personality type and furthermore, make some habit changes to become the new person you want to be.

People who know themselves are confident and make the best decisions. Therefore never stagnate, keep pushing the boundaries of your comfort zone.

To protect yourself you have to, first of all, know your identity and be true to it at all times. How To Find Yourself is to maintain a good relationship with yourself, believe in yourself and love yourself as you are.

Happiness will follow you wherever you go, just get up and get started.

Your loving Gran Stella.

Gran Stella

Inspire. Motivate and Empower the next generation

21 Comments on “How To Find Yourself”

  1. Hi Stella,

    Nice letter! I had read your first letter where you mentioned that foundation is vital to everyone’s success.
    This second letter about the influences coming from the environment or society surrounding us is also very true. However, it is really up to us to choose.

  2. I appreciate your comments on all the letters thanks for your time reading it.
    Yes our success, all boils down to the choices we make and there are only two you can chose from. It is either a Yes or a No to any situation.
    Happy reading

  3. Hello Stella.
    These guidelines are great to build a steady life upon! I enjoy reading every sentience and I know this will be helpful for your granddaughter!

    1. Thank you Fredrik!
      There is no where where the kids can learn these lessons and guidance. Hope this will become a hub of info for them.
      Happy reading.

  4. What a great experience Stella’s granddaughter will have if she will save these letters and from time to time look back at them as she grows in the reality of life.

    I recently came across a short letter from my paternal grandfather written the day I was born back in 1939. It still had the envelope postmarked on my birthday. It was nothing like these letters, but is still meaningful to me.

    I think I will change a few of the words Stella has used for my own personal use as guide to help me (like change young lady to young man…please don’t laugh at this old man for tongue in cheek statement…LOL)

    1. At the moment she is still running out there, and will hopefully see the light sometime soon before it is too late … lol
      What a wonderful experience it must have been to find that precious letter, that is really remarkable.
      I will have to think about the way I address the reader …
      Thank you for your comment.

  5. These are some very wise words Stella! I’m in my thirties and the past few years have been real eye openers for me. I have learned more about myself, my core values and what is important to me than ever before in my life.

    I guess it’s called growing up. I just wish I figured much of this stuff out earlier, this would have saved me from lots of anxiety, grief and bad decisions. Then again I feel like some people never seem to grow up.

    And to be perfectly clear, by growing up I don’t mean stop having fun. On the contrary actually!
    I mean things like being responsible and taking other people into consideration and putting your families and loved ones needs before your own most of the time.

    Keep up the good work! This here is stuff that should be taught in schools. One wisdom I would like to share with anyone reading this: Nothing in life is black and white. Not in relationships, not in politics, not in religion. There’s always common ground if you are willing to see it and question your own perspective.

    1. Hi Jukka I would rather call it maturing. We all go through lows in our lives it is then that maturity develops.
      You speak very wise words there!
      We are so much the same that the differences almost doesn’t count.

  6. Hi Stella. Thinette is a lucky girl to be able to receive such wisdom from her granny. It’s so important that we first find out who we are and then, as you say, we can mold and shape ourselves into who we wish to become. So many people get lost, hurt and defeated because of what others around them say about them, but you are right when you say that we cannot let someone else’s opinions drag us down. It is they who are speaking and acting based on their own insecurities, fears, and pain, and it is not about us at all. Be strong, be secure, and be clear about who we are and we will have a rich and fulfilling life.
    Thanks for sharing.

    1. It is so sad to see how lost they are without realising it. Group pressure is a major culprit. If they will just realise they are being used to boost other’s insecurities.
      Let’s hope a few will get ‘saved’ with these letters.
      Thank you for your inspiring comment, it motivates me to get more posts out soon.


  7. Hi Stella,

    great letter. Thinette is getting the best advice. Knowing who you are in this world is super important. Going deeply inside yourself really shows your true self. I find this easiest when I meditate. I go to another world and become very present and find peace and clarity.

    Keep up the great work, look forward to reading more 🙂


    1. Thank you Kevin yes knowing who you are lies at the core of your being and dictates the rest.
      What a wonderful idea to meditate, will recommend that to her.
      Happy reading

  8. Oh Stella, what a post, I wish my grandmother had written me some letters that I could read and help me through the foolishness of youth.
    Don’t get me wrong, my grandmother used to talk to me when I was young, she still does but, when we are young we really don’t listen, but a written word is powerful because you can always go back and read it again and again.
    Thank you so much, I hope more young people will read your letters because they are filled with wisdom

    1. Thank you for motivating words Rose!
      Everybody goes through that silly stage running around after all the new found freedom.
      After a while the novelty wears off and reality sinks in.
      It is for that moment I would hope this will make sense to them.

      1. Exactly, the thing is the young ones are so much in a hurry to grow up, they don’t even enjoy their childhood because they just want to grow up already.
        then they do like I did, and now I wish I had taken time to just enjoy childhood and find out more about who I was and who I wanted to become.

        1. So true Rose and they don’t want to start from the bottom of up. They want to take off from where their parents are, they want it all and now. It is a good thing to learn lessons from own experiences, it makes you appreciate life more.
          Thank you for your comment!

  9. Hi Stella,

    I really enjoyed reading your letter, there’s so much wisdom in it. I agree it’s very important to be true to yourself and in my opinion, it is the key to happiness. I bookmarked your website and look forward to reading some more. All the best!

    1. Blanka I appreciate your kind words. As you say be uniquely you … don’t let peer pressure influence your development.
      Thank you for stopping by.

  10. Hi Stella,

    I really enjoyed this letter. You have some real insight into how to better ourselves, and you gave practical suggestions too. It doesn’t sound so difficult to make changes the way you have laid it out.
    Thank you

    1. Hi Debbie
      It feels as if the young adults are just floating along on every wave coming by.
      What they don’t know is how fast time flies, and soon you will be knocking at the door of an old-age home, hahaha.
      Thank you for stopping by and your inspiring comment, I appreciate it!

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