Dear Thinette
Gran, what do you mean? What is it I have to know? Is there a secret on how to get your guy? It is not easy, I keep on meeting the wrong people?
So glad you asked my dear, yes there is and the focus is not on him, not at all. The recipe of this secret is, to focus on your well being before you can meet your man.
Until you have followed this recipe or you will not know how to get your guy. You will keep on attracting the wrong men for all the wrong reasons.
Become uniquely you. Have a vision and know what you want and where you want to go. This is the magic recipe, my dear. The man of your dreams will find you in the crowds and want you for the right reasons.
How To Get The Your Guy
Getting ready
Ask yourself; Am I ready to meet my perfect match and have a happy carefree relationship? Am I confident and do I still have goals I want to achieve, before going into a committed relationship and sharing my life?
You have to be a strong, motivated individual on a mission, and most of all, emotionally and financially stable and independent. This makes you a balanced and ideal partner.
How To Get The Your Guy
HOW TO BECOME A MENTALLY STRONG WOMAN
Have you seen women crumbling under pressure, losing themselves and becoming hysterical? It is never good to see when a pretty woman loses control, panics and shouts it is very humiliating.
MEN ADORE A STRONG CONFIDENT WOMAN.
She cares about her physical, mental, and emotional well-being and takes steps to love herself.
Become the master of one of your talents, it gives confidence
Never feel the victim. Be brave and stand up for what you believe in. Have a balanced outlook and stay calm.
Be productive and create new experiences.
To be kind and caring is a virtue.
Be a go-getter and change all obstacles
Distance yourself for a moment from the problem, and most importantly, look at it from the other side of the fence.
How To Overcome Trauma
There is an art to handling a traumatic negative experience as a strong woman.
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First of all, stay calm
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Give yourself permission to feel sad, upset and angry, express yourself and live it out. Throw a dozen eggs against a wall, if it will make you feel better, my dear. [Remember to clean up afterwards]
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Pull the covers over your head.
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Cry your eyes out and feel sorry for yourself.
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Try to figure out what happened and accept what happened.
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In the end, nothing happens without a reason. Later you will realise it was for the best, though now it looks like the end of the world.
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Analyse and acknowledge the facts, my darling. Take responsibility for your share.
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Don’t take forever to recover. Remember it is water under the bridge, and nothing can bring it ever back.
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Get over it, no time to waste and ponder on it.
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Move on and create a new life.
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Get ready for the new exciting thing waiting around the corner
A relationship that makes you feel sad and upset most of the time, is not worth it.
Change your survival attitude
Get yourself up and going, simultaneously, focus on yourself, and get ready for the next best thing.
My Appearance Physically and Mentally
When going on a date, you always make sure to look your best, therefore clean and well-groomed. Stylish clothes and hair immaculate for the occasion, butterflies in your tummy making the moment perfect.
That is the glossy outside he can see, but what about the clutter inside. Uncertainties, low self-esteem and emotional baggage you are dragging around? It will never make you feel confident.
Are you still an unorganised mess, with tangled thoughts, a knot of stress and a turmoil of emotions? The best will be if you can feel inside just as well-groomed as outside, for instance confident, calm, content and happy with all your emotions intact.
We are going to try our best to create a groomed personality to match the smile on your face and give him a surprise he was not expecting.
Let us start working to get you ready, my love to know how to get your guy.
Get yourself in the best physical shape you can, it clears the mind and keeps you motivated.
Develop unique skills and find a stable occupation to support your lifestyle.
Be self-sufficient and do not depend on a man to support you.
Have your own group of friends and activities.
How To Get The Your Guy
Be Aware Of All The Gremlins
Your behaviour.
It is wise never to compare yourself to other people. You will never be like them, believe in being uniquely you!
• Never act out of desperation or go on the rebound. Never act crazy or do silly things. Keep yourself together. Be calm, and composed and try to act normal, though you don’t feel like it. That is where your strength lies.
• Listen to your intuition it will never fail you you will have your solution right there.
• Do not get let jealousy, gets the better of you, my dear it does not become you and is never an answer to a lost or fading relationship. Move on because you know now how to get your guy.
• Hold on … have faith in yourself … EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY!
• Remember all have a purpose and in addition, you will benefit from it and learn a lesson.
Surrender to what has happened. You can not change it.
SEE REALITY FOR WHAT IT IS AND NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS.
How To Get The Your Guy
Become a Mystery Woman
Men like mystery, be elusive and never an open book. Give him small bits of information at a time about who you are. Never all at once.
To become a mysterious, magnetic, beautiful extraordinary happy woman, is the secret to catching the eye of a special man.
It is time to clean out old useless habits, those making you one of the flock. Here are a few new habits:
• Confidence is very important, most of all it comes with knowledge and experience. Make it your mission to know who you are and what you want from life.
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Walk tall with long strides, and hold your head high with an air of confidence. Being poised and calm oozes confidence -
Feel the Goddess you are!
~ Become a good listener. Look the person in the eye and focus on what he says, importantly, give comments to make sure you understand what the meaning of the conversation is.
~ be interested in him or her and give them your full attention, therefore, never interrupt.
~ Remember my dear, people will always remember how you make them feel. They will remember your excitement when seeing them and certainly, how special you make them feel when you are around.
~ Always be calm and composed no matter what the situation might be. Be energetic and dynamic, never a Goodie-two-shoes.
~ Speak with vigour and vitality most of all, always maintaining to be alive and in motion.
~ Have an interesting life by adding diversity and originality to your personality, your relationships and your physical appearance. Never be boring and predictable. Always be well-groomed with a happy smile on your face.
~ Every man wants his special woman to be exciting, feminine, interesting, imaginative, mysterious, expressively touching and magically exotic! Above all, he wants his own Geisha girl.
It will create an aura of fascination around you.
What is a Geisha Girl?
Secrets of a Geisha girl is something many people wonder about. The mystical aura around the Geisha girl has been an intriguing fascinating phenomenon for centuries. She originates from Japan and was known as a woman pleasing men.
• Be an extraordinary woman. Emotionally and financially independent, therefore, never relies on any man for her well-being. She has her place to stay, her own money and her dignity.
• Is well-trained in a specific skill and earns her own money from producing a product, is well-mannered, soft-spoken, well-educated and could fit with ease anywhere in society.
• She is ultra-feminine in the way she dresses and her behaviour is impeccable, always cool, calm and collective with confidence, but behind closed doors, she is a tiger. One even married a Prince.
How To Get The Your Guy
Conclusion
If you are a wise lady you will make sure you are ready to meet the man of your dreams if he comes along.
Knowing there is inevitably more than one soulmate out there for you, make sure to be ready when the time comes to meet him.
You will not receive anything if you are not ready!
Love you lots
Gran Stella
Inspire Motivate And Empower The Next Generation
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Rose
January 12, 2019 at 8:44 pm | Edit
Yes Stella, you’ve done it again.
I will for sure try not to act silly and crazy because even though l am not that young, l do act silly and crazy sometimes when l get angry. I have to be calm and composed.
Feel the Goddess you are wow!
I have actually been fascinated by Geisha, and l always look for documentaries on the internet to learn more, they are so mysterious with their white painted faces, so fascinating.
Another letter filled with wisdom and great advice.
Thank you Stella.
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Stella
January 12, 2019 at 10:56 pm | Edit
Nobody knew much about Geisha girls and they are such a great example to us women. I grew up thinking they were prostitutes. In a way maybe but their values are much higher than most high society ladies.
We are all Goddesses, you must just feel it!
Thank you for your great comment.
Stella
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Josephine Jennifer Crawford
January 13, 2019 at 1:48 pm | Edit
Stella, this quote had me cracking up:
“That is the reason why men lie to woman. When you get pushy and demanding he will say whatever it takes to keep you quiet, make you happy and what you want to hear … but it won’t be the truth.”
Even as a woman, I too hate it when people are too pushy and demanding. I think those traits are sometimes necessary, especially in business, but, it should never be dominant in any one. Stella, instead of telling lies, how do you suggest we deal with pushy, demanding people?
I pray that your granddaughter truly appreciates and takes these bits of advice as sound. I could use a grandma like you (smile).
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Stella
January 13, 2019 at 2:22 pm | Edit
Hi Josephine thank you for your comment.
I would say the best way to deal with demanding and pushy people men or women, is to sit back calmly an collectively, look them straight in the eye and with a smille ask them a question, any relevant question will do eg. how would you solve this problem?
Immediately you deflate them by not jumping to their command or have fear in your eyes. You take the wind out of their steam and throw demand back at them.
All they want is to intimmidate and dictate … a form of control.
Hope I understood the question correct Josephine?
Stella
Bush Lady.
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Bella
January 14, 2019 at 9:38 am | Edit
Hello Stella,
I do love your article.This inspire’s me a lot.In a relationship for me is only give and take.Respect for one another,have time to each other and love.I myself and my other half are already 13 yrs of marriage and were really making it well .
God Bless.
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Stella
January 14, 2019 at 8:12 pm | Edit
There is so much to say about this subject Bella, I will have to do a follow up.
Fantastic and congratulations, it is such a wonderful feeling of freedom if you have a partner who respects you and love you.
Some of the important things that build trust is to be open and honest.
Wishing you many years of happiness together!
Stella
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Elmarie
January 14, 2019 at 12:03 pm | Edit
Dankie Stella, dis verseker jare se kennis en wysheid wat jy met ons deel! Selfs ouer mense wat al jare getroud is kan dit maar toets. Dit is n wen resep!! Kan nie wag vir jou opvolg brief nie!
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Stella
January 14, 2019 at 8:18 pm | Edit
Hi Elmarie, weer eens baie dankie vir jou kommentaar, dit is baie inspirerend en word waardeer.
There is so much to say about this subject and there are so many misconception that I still have so much to say.
Nobody gives you this information when growing up.
Take care
Stella
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Elmarie
January 14, 2019 at 4:16 pm | Edit
Hello Stella, jy het ons weereens verras met jou jare se ondervinding en wysheid!
Dit is selfs goed vir ouer getroudes om dit ook te lees.
Kan nie wag vir jou volgende brief nie!
Groete.
Elmarie
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Stella
January 14, 2019 at 8:27 pm | Edit
Thank you very much for a very motivating comment, there is still much to say and I will have to do a follow up letter to cover more.
I wrote a whole book on Relationships also in the form of letters, covering almost every aspect, only snippets made it in here.
Kind regards
Stella.
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Sahar
January 15, 2019 at 9:50 pm | Edit
Love your tips, this is probably the first ever article I read which has such an amount of useful relationship advice. I learned the hard way, as most girls our goal was to change the guy forgetting we both come from different upbringings. With time I learned to listen and act accordingly, and that no relationship continues and flourishes without respect, the most important element in any relationship.
Love this, thank you.
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Stella
January 15, 2019 at 11:24 pm | Edit
That is very inspiring and will motivate me to do the follow up letter thank you very much Sahar! It is sad to see how many misunderstanding there is amongst couples …. it is so unnecessary.
… now it is first the Domestic Queen of the House ..lol
Stella.
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Garry Brown
January 16, 2019 at 6:55 pm | Edit
What a wonderful post for your granddaughter. Granny in a million
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Asen
January 17, 2019 at 8:15 am | Edit
Hello Stella,
This article was very engaging. From where you take all this wisdom? I guess that it is the sound of experience. Am I right? Your granddaughter is very lucky to have you and I am sure that she reads the posts with vivid interest.
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Stella
January 17, 2019 at 8:41 am | Edit
Thanks Asen for a very motivating comment!
Let’s say it is a combination of things that lead me to this, growing up with most of it, but observing is an important aspect.
Stella
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Barry
January 19, 2019 at 3:16 am | Edit
Beginning to see a saleable set of templates for grandparents (both sexes) to take and use as guideline to share with their grandchildren. As I reflect back on my life I wish I’d had a grandparent that had the skills to share their love as you do in your letters. Such wonderful wisdom expressed in simple language
Think it is very commendable that you have taken the negative way a geisha was thought of when we were growing up and pointed out the truth about the geisha concept. So many misconceptions that you have brought to the forefront with these letters.
Looking forward to the next letter and many more after that one.
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Stella
January 19, 2019 at 7:22 am | Edit
Barry your comment is much appreciated.
The letters just flow from my pen or shall I rather say fingertips. No planning or prep work, it is all in my head.
Your comments really inspire me and more letters will surely see the light.
Thank you for being such an inspiration.
Stella
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Stella
January 19, 2019 at 7:36 am | Edit
Barry you know exactly how to motivate and inspire me with your comments. It strengthen me in my mission to honour the legacy of my dear parents who made this possible.
Thanks a million.
Stella
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Amy
January 20, 2019 at 9:46 pm | Edit
This is a very thoughtful and heart-felt letter to your granddaughter, thank you for sharing it. I was a bit surprised by the ‘man on a mission section’, especially “HIS MISSION ALWAYS COMES FIRST! Learn to respect that.”
Do you think that a woman’s career has to take second place to her husband’s? Don’t both husbands and wives need to respect and support each other’s goals, ambitions and ‘missions’?
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Stella
January 21, 2019 at 10:39 pm | Edit
Hi Amy
Thank you for commenting I appreciate it.
I think you misunderstood the context in which it is said. It is not a comparison between men and women and if they are equal or not.
This is about the differences between men and women, the way men think and how they act. Their next goal or mission comes first in their minds because they are goal orientated and not emotional beings like women.
It is said to make women understand how men think.
In my world it is a fifty fifty relationship both should contribute equal to a partnership. This has nothing to do with the liberation of a women or not.
Thank you for your time.
Stella
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Andrew
February 4, 2019 at 10:39 am | Edit
Hi Stella. The best advice here is ‘never try to change the other person.’ So often people agree to enter into relationships when things are not great because they consider that they can manipulate and change their partner into the person that they want them to be. this is a recipe for disaster from day one!
I also have to agree with you that we should try out different potential partners to help us grow in experience and understand more about the wants and needs of other people before settling down.
many thanks for sharing your wisdom once again.
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Stella
February 4, 2019 at 11:38 am | Edit
Hi Andrew
It is so true. To try and manipulate demand and threat is a recipe for disaster. I found out there are more than one lid to a pot. Make sure which one you would want, the glass, the cast iron or the enamel one … they all will fit or maybe no lid.
During my young days it was not custom or should I say not done to search for a partner… I married the first boyfriend I had and are still in a monogamist marriage after 48 years.
But times have changed and today it is important to make sure.
Thank you for you input I appreciate it.
Stella
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Heidi
February 4, 2019 at 10:50 pm | Edit
I loved this post!! You should seriously start a class for women to get and have the love they want. You are so spot on about everything. And sadly so many women don’t get it!! If they did us women would rule the world lol!!
I also learned a few new things I will use in my relationship… I loved the part about the ” Mans Mission” It makes a lot of sense of what is going on in my relationship right now.
Thanks for this ?
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Stella
February 4, 2019 at 11:27 pm | Edit
Hi Heidi
So glad you could find something of use. I am planning a post for Valentines on How to keep your Man.
Hope it will be ready in time.
I feel women can take most of the blame for unsuccessful relationships, purely because of misunderstandings.
You are right, woman can be more powerful by being the lesser and not always want to be right. It makes such a huge difference.
Men and woman are so different. If you understand it you can rule the world
Stella
Bush Lady
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Carmen
February 6, 2019 at 10:02 am | Edit
Stella, your blog is outstanding. so that I’m going to have my daughter read it as you post more letters. The wisdom you have lovingly imprinted in each post is so generously wonderful.
I wish I’d have had someone to teach me all these things, so I didn’t have to learn them the hard way… especially that you can’t change anyone. Well, good thing I know that now.
Thanks for the inspiration.
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Stella
February 6, 2019 at 4:53 pm | Edit
Hi Carmen
Thank you very much for your inspiring comment.
Funny enough it is when you are older that you appreciate all these learnings better because experience has taught us … but as they say we are never to old to learn change and adapt new habits .. lol
Relationships are a very personal tricky subject but there are basics that is non negotiable for a happy ending.
Don’t force your daughter to read, mention a few interesting points maybe applicable and let her decide by herself to read …. don’t you think?
Thank you for your valuable comment I appreciate it !
Stella
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Maddie
April 30, 2019 at 11:16 pm | Edit
Hi Stella!
I love this letter! It really hit home with me. Being a young mom who has been married for almost 3 years, I remember very well the ups and downs of dating and this brought me right back to it all.
Some of the things you mentioned in this letter, I wish I had known before getting married. Don’t get me wrong I am married to the greatest man on Earth and I love him more than life itself, I just wish I had better prepared myself for him.
I was very immature when we first met and got married, I hadn’t allowed myself to be upset and move on from past traumas like you mentioned, so I carried those emotions into our relationship and for a while, our relationship suffered. I wish I had this letter before I met him but I am so glad I found it now.
You are so wise and I love your letters. Keep writing, I love it!
Thank you
Maddie
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Stella
May 1, 2019 at 10:15 pm | Edit
Hi Maddie it was’t your fault not knowing, we do not get these life lessons taught when growing up and it is hard to see the clear way when it is misty with sadness and sorrow. Have no regrets it all had a purpose.
So glad you worked your way through it all and have a happy life.
Sometimes a girl can be so focused on getting married and forget about all the important signals to be aware of.
Tying the knot has such a deeper meaning, having the perfect match for you makes for blissful happiness.
Take care of him and treat him well.
Stella
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